‘Permission’ to learn or complete a particular task in a particular way can be inherent in the environmental structure or it can be based on one individual allowing something to happen that someone else wouldn’t.

One adult may categorise ‘this’ as being important and may make you go back and do it again repeatedly until its correct, because you don’t have permission to fail at it.

Another adult may categorise ‘this’ as not being important and may let ‘bad’ behaviour exist just once because you’ll learn the next time from your own mistake and you will correct yourself and not do it again.

Another adult may categorise ‘this’ as being important because ‘they’ consider this to be good behaviour despite others thinking that it is ‘bad’. That it is helpful to learn a trick on how to do things, a sneaky way to get around an issue or a way to get through something quickly because its easier to cheat than to do the work because its too hard etc.

Another adult may categorise ‘this’ as not being important and may let the ‘bad’ behaviour continue and continue and continue. Is this then about the child or has the adult not learnt how to support that child in ‘this’ particular task / skill?

Another adult may categorise ‘this’ as being extremely important because of their professional background and may support the skill extremely differently than those around them because they, like others have seen the impact of letting a behaviour continue without direct immediate feedback. So they do not give permission for something to happen ever.

As adults though, what is in our control and not within our control and where our own skills are is important. If someone is struggling and they’ve been ‘given’ permission to do something because of the significance of how dysregulated others would become without them continuing on this is important to discuss. Or. It may need to be hidden because the actual conversation itself may cause significant dysregulation in a large group of people resulting in self harm and significant safety issues. This is where the concept of ‘permission’ becomes about risk management at a micro and macro level.