When do you walk away?
When do you stay quiet?
When do you take responsibility for your actions and change your behaviours?
When do you apologise? How? How many times?
If situations are outside of your control are you able to make adjustments in how you are interacting with someone to ‘show them’ that you are trying? Are you able to do this consistently? Do you take their help? Are you able to read their cues as to whether they want to work with you to repair something or whether they are so overwhelmed that they don’t want any further interaction at all?
What types of activities or situations are you able to repair? Why do you have skills in those but not in others? What is it that you want but don’t know how to regulate yourself through?
What is the feedback that you are getting when you attempt to repair something? Does it make sense? If not why not? What is it about the feedback that you are being given that isn’t fitting with your understanding of the situation? Have you been able to explain yourself in enough detail to support your actions?
Are you able to monitor the situation on a second by second basis or do you need time away to process what is happening? In that time away do you miss things? Or is the other person or group not giving you enough information or enough feedback that is accurate or that makes sense for you?
Repairing a challenging situation is also about being able to recognise when it is necessary to walk away. So that the challenging situation stops. So that you have time to learn what you have contributed to it. Not engaging in this behaviour repeatedly may be what repairs it.
Working with students to learn to repair situations as it happens requires use of high intensity equipment where they are motivated to persist through the challenges for longer periods of time. Without enough motivation less persistence and less language will be seen, as will less interest in copying the appropriate language.