Understanding resilience with challenging tasks / interactions

What clothing do you wear? Is it comfortable? Does it protect you? How do you present yourself to others? Is that like a form of clothing? In some situations you wear this type of clothing and in other situations you wear this type of clothing? Which clothing again is the most comfortable for you?

Are there situations where you get to try on new types of clothing? Do you feel 100% supported to try them on? Do they feel comfortable after a while because you have been 100% supported to try them on?

Now for the challenging part. What is it like to actually use those items of clothing in the real world? When you complain to a teacher about a bully and say no to something, does it make a difference? When you communicate for the first time that you can’t do something, does someone listen to you?


I can choose how I move on the board? But am I allowed to?


What happens if I want to take a detour?



Are there other objects available that I can’t see? or am I forced to do things in a certain order to take care of others needs first?


If I’ve practiced these skills in some settings, like with my therapist and with my parents. What is it like to use them for the first time with my friends? How do they respond to me? Part of that answer is how big a skill jump you needed to make, how big a learning gap there was about what skills you needed to use in ‘that’ environment.

In reviewing the goals of did it work for me or didn’t it you are looking at your own resilliency. How much work or effort went into something and did it pay off? Part of the issue with this is though that you need to look at what type of work you were doing. Sometimes kids can use newly acquired language or problem solving skills to force others into playing the way that they want them to. Part of the reason for this is that the ‘entire’ group of kids needs to adjust to this new skill being used in interactions with them. That balance, that titration of how everyone works together to achieve something can unbalance other kids, which can then have a flow on effect to their parents who need to step in and do more advocacy for them. Its not tight rope walking, its a web of things that are connected to each other, pull on one and the rest move. That is part of the management strategies for resilience that needs to be looked at environmentally. Its visible when someone changes what they are doing. They might not have the skills to see it, but the ripples between their closest relatives and then to their friends etc can be highly visible. It may in some situations cause changes that others need to stabilise themselves to deal with these new changes. How long that takes can depend on complexity and what other challenges are present in the environment. E.g. pulling kids out of school due to high levels of bullying and difficulty with school work – how long does it take for the kids to settle?